The Wildest True Story Ever

Alright, usually I try to write stuff that tickles the mind, but not today. Today I will tell you the weirdest true story that can actually happen when you are sitting at home in Walnut on a Wednesday night in the middle of July.

So I've pretty much been using my laptop outside in the living room where the fire place is, cause my room is too small it becomes a sauna in the summer. At night my parents turn off the a/c so I gotta migrate to a large room where I can open the windows to air my pits. Anyways I'm sitting in the living room, and I keep hearing this tiny crunching sound. I think it's coming from the stack of wood my mom keeps next to the fireplace that she never burned in the winter (my mom loves to use the fireplace, and yes she burns real wood - global warming but don't worry we recycle a lot). Anyhow, I'm looking at this stack of wood, and for the last few days I keep imagining these crunching noises coming from it. Tonight on July 14, well 15th cause it's 2 am, I get up to check and long behold I see a lil pile of wood dust at the bottom. What is that you ask, well I know, it's fucking TERMITES. This is because my house has been fumigated before, along with my entire street because these little bitches eat every piece of wood they can get a hold of, no homo.

So here I'm sitting.. thinking about what the fuck to do with a pile of wood at 2 am that is being eaten by termites. I could throw it away in the Green garbage can where all trees and shrubs go, but I think those little critters might scheme and concoct some sort of prison escape and continue eating wood. I think of the next best plan..... Light the fireplace. Here I run away to cool off, to only end up turning on the fireplace.

There is already a bunch of wood in the fireplace, so I have to burn that first before I can burn the little bitches. After burning what was a pretty big pile in the span of 15 minutes, I prepare my feast of barbeque insects. The pile of wood is large enough to take up the entire fireplace, so I pick it up and hurl it all in. The fireplace is already burning hot and here I am right in front of it trying to stack all the wood inside so it would all burn at once. I finally manage to fit all the wood in, and pretty soon the fire is so crazy I could feel the energy emitting out towards me. This fire is fucking HUGE.

Then it hits me.. what the fuck am I doing. How stupid would I be if I burned the house down, in the middle of July, by using the fireplace. I end up running back and forth with a giant vase throwing water on this inferno trying to keep it under wraps so that my house doesn't burn to the ground. I am sweating my balls off at this point, it looks like I just took a shower. A whole hour of wood burning later, FINALLY, the wood is mostly burnt and the fire starts to die.

But now I'm pretty mad at my mom. Doesn't she know that fumigating the house sucked ass, cause we had to move out all our clothes and shiet to go live at a hotel for a few days only a few miles away. Then a few years later she sents a facebook invite to all the termites to come have a party again at our house. I wanna tell her about what I just did, the whole debacle.. only my mom isn't home. Where is my mom at 3 am on July 15h. My mother is on a plane, flying to...... NORTH CAROLINA. I really hope your laughing at this point, cause I even can't believe how this story is coming along. So now I'm waiting because in about 30 minutes at 4 am I can call my mom when her plane lands in North Carolina (her friends have a house out there and their going to vacation up and down the east coast for the next two weeks) at 7 am eastern time.

Well.. there you have it, that's the story I had to blog about because it was so damn interesting.

-boomb00m

some deep shiz

man. i've been dropping the ball on this blog. dan's been divulging all of his discoverations and inspectations while i do nada. i'd say ima throw in my 3¢ more often but that would be an outrageous lie. man that cent sign is cool. i googled that shit. ima whip out the chalkboard and learn you huxtables a thing or two. if you hit alt 0162 you can pop that puppy out.

speaking of puppies, i wanted to make a clothing brand that used the ¢ sign as its logo. all these clothing companies are always selling people with their logos and shiz. moose, crocodile, some dude on a pony. well fuck that, ima alt 0162 that shiz. and sell it for 100 bucks. what's sad is if that clothing brand gets poppin', people will be spending mad bills for a cent sign. it'll directly compete with billionaire boys club. you'll find my clothes in the bourgeoisie aisle in walmart.

speaking of pregnant women, i came on this blog expecting to try and write a serious post. i dunno if i have that in me, man.. i can't keep on the same topic for more than 3 lines. okay.. ima really try to write something deep and profound. get all anthropological (wow thats a real word) on you folks. but not now, maybe next time. in the year twenty five twenty five

All Grown Up

 

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "man it would be awesome to travel back in time and be able to fix all my stupid mistakes." I wish for it all the time, I would love to go back and tell little Dan to watch out for the thousands of girls who will ambush him and that even though this may sound awesome this would stop somewhere around high school once the girls realize how much of an idiot he is. I always thought it was be great to be able to go back in time and live a life free of regret and remorse.

However, this all changed when I watched a movie this weekend. In the movie, these two guys who are best friends end up not speaking with one another for years, until finally they break the silence when they learn one of them has a terminal disease. One guy brings up that he wished he could change the last few years between them. But the guy who is dying says that he wouldn't have wanted to change a single thing. Why? Well, because if he were to change the circumstances then things would've turned out differently and they wouldn't have realized the importance of their friendship and to cherish the time they still had. Simply put, you live and you learn. Through our mistakes we grow, often opening your eyes to things we may not have noticed before. Here are two friends who found out that good times are limited and to never take time you have with loved ones for granted.

So now, I realize that a DeLorean time machine may not be the answer to all my problems. I wouldn't be as wise as I am today, or if you don't think I am an the best thing since sliced bread than keep in mind I might've turned out to be an even bigger imbecile for never learning from my many mistakes. And I was just kidding about being a chick magnet, cause girls found out I was an idiot way before high school.

-boomb00m

Sky's ^ Limit

As always the late nights got me thinkin. I've come to the realization that we're not all meant to do great things. Looking through facebook right now, I noticed there are a few people who are in fact doing great things, but for the majority of the population that ain't gonna happen. I guess it's nothing bad, it's just maybe a little hard to swallow for some?

I mean we all grow up wishing, hoping we'd do something awesome, like become an astronaut, or professional athlete. But how many astronauts and professional athletes do you know? And I'm not saying since we're not doing something awesome that we're all some sort of failure. What I am saying is that we are all gigantic failures.. just kidding.

The fact of the matter is that not all of us are destined for true greatness. However, greatness is what we all aim for. We have to aim for the stars or else we'd never be pushing ourselves. In the end, as long as you love life, and end up doing something you love, that's what greatness is all about baby. Not all of us are going to be rockstars, but tons of us will become musicians. Not all of us will play professional football, but tons of us will coach high school football. So here's to us all, falling somewhat below greatness, which is still great.

-boomb00m