Judged

I've grown into such a hateful person. I find myself judging people far too often. Any picture I see, any comment I come across that isn't to my liking is dismissed as stupid. Who am I to judge someone for what they do? Why do I even care? It is their lives and they can do as they like.

Like the phone app instagram is just a giant filter of cool/stupid for me. Scrolling through my feed is just my brain going cool-cool-stupid-stupid-cool-stupid. What got me thinking about this was all the gym pictures people take. My thought process was why do people always posts pictures of themselves at the gym? I guess personally I don't see going to the gym as an achievement whereas these people do. And so what do I do? Take a shit on their achievements. Maybe it is stupid, like who fucking cares you worked out. You should be exercising anyways, you could lose a few pounds. Yea maybe there is some truth behind my thoughts. But I could take any pictures I have posted and complain about the same things. Like who fucking cares you ate that cheeseburger.

I should realize that instagram, and well pretty much anything is just a way for a person to express themselves. Them expressing themselves doesn't hurt me in any way. Well maybe it does (what have I lost my spine?), but I should learn to become more tolerant and just let things go. I guess that can be applied to everything in life. Take a moment, take a deep breathe, and just relax. Sigh.

EDN

I'm pretty introverted. I'm okay with going through my workday and not talking to anyone. I'm bad at small talk anyways. I work in such a large environment and come in contact with so many people yet I just mind my own business. Sometimes I get a hello, most of the time they smile and I'll smile back.

Why is it I avoid contact? Is it this fear of stepping out of my comfort zone? I need to step out and force myself to be more friendly. Why? I ask myself why all the time. Is it somehow going to benefit me? Maybe, maybe not. I just need to do it. I need to smile more, say hello more, maybe even make small talk more. There's no reason not to, and it won't hurt me so why am I not doing it?

I would be selfish to weigh the benefits of socializing or not. If someone takes time out of their day to speak with me why should I not return the favor? The funny thing is I love to talk. Once I get going it's hard to shut me up. So why is it I hate doing what I love?

The introvert thing is true. Sometimes I just like being alone. I hate small talk mainly because it's so fake, there is no depth behind those conversations. Although it doesn't hurt to have small talk here and there. Asking how someone's weekend was or what they had for dinner is the reason behind my problem. I seek a deeper more meaningful conversation, so I guess that's why I prefer not to talk most of the time.

But at the same time I think of all the missed opportunities/interactions I have had since I refused to talk. Everyone is seeking approval, and so that itself should make conversations less daunting. Because everyone wants to be loved, and chances are they won't bite. So here's to changing things. Stepping outside the box, and having a good time.

Mo Cushla

It's finally 2014. Day 2 of us ringing in the new year. And I keep on seeing posts on Facebook and Instagram about making this year better then the last. I don't disagree but I don't think it's fair to measure personal improvement based on what year it is. Personal improvement should be a constant process. The day I told myself I can be a better person I began to do things differently. Small thing here, small thing there, culminating into me improving as a human being. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't agree with judging what I've done based on time. I believe the only time you should measure is how much time left you have left on this earth to make a difference.