11:11 am.. 11:11 pm.. As I type this - it is one minute before 11:11.. Which means it's time to make a wish. 11:11? Make a wish, I'm sure you've heard it before. And it's not like it means anything or that I seriously believe my wish will come true. It's just a silly habit of mine that I still do when I see those magic numbers. But 11:11 also reminds me of her. I always texted and reminded her when it was time to make a wish. Not only did I want my wish to come true, but hers as well. Eventually, I even got her to remind me when the clock hit 11:11. And so what began as a silly gesture became a reminder of what I once had.
I am reminded every day. Some days are better than others, and some worse. My wishes were silly and farfetched. Become a celebrity, win the lottery, teach my dog Merlin how to drive a car. And before I knew it my farfetched wishes became more serious. I wished for a time machine, a reset button, a way of undoing how things turned out. Something I always did for fun wasn't fun anymore.
Through the process I have grown, I have cried, and I have faced inner demons. And it kills me that I can't move on. My inability to forget the past haunts me daily. The best part of dating is having someone to share everything with, which is also the worst part of dating when it ends. You share your passions, your favorite donut, intimacy. A simple thing such as a song on the radio can ruin your day.
And life goes on. You feel like shit but in the morning you still have to get out of bed. You feel like there's no hope but hope is what keeps you going. Days turn into months, months turns into years and slowly getting out of bed isn't as bad. You're feeling great and then out of the corner of your eye you see it.. 11:11. Fuck. Life goes on.
